Today I woke up early, today I woke up sad

Those are some of my favorite lyrics from one of my favorite Bebo songs. . .but today I woke up early, today I woke up sad, tired, and mad. In the 13 days before I leave the country for the first time ever (except for a few side trips into Canada) I’m scrambling to get everything done that well, has to be before I leave on that jet plane. In less than 2 weeks, I’ll be several continents away and 9 hours ahead and all this won’t be on my mind, but it sure is right now.

In the last couple of days, in all the rush of getting ready to go, I’ve found myself listening to Bebo Norman CDs–not his newest, Try or the depression-filled Myself When I Am Real, but early Bebo, the good ol’ days–Big Blue Sky and Ten Thousand Days. You know, the days when Bebo was filled with a longing for something more, a wife, someone to share his calling with. These are albums of songs of loneliness and the desire for something deeper mixed with uncontainable praise for the God who made it all and holds our lives in His hands. And that’s me right now. I’m longing for so much more at the moment and I don’t know how to do it patiently. I haven’t been stopping to see the miracles, the little things God’s put in my path to remind me that He’s got this all figured out and He knows what’s best and when it’s best.

Maybe it’s the season of my discontent, but right now, I’m having a hard time being content in all things, rich or poor, sick or healthy, as Paul claimed to be. I’m tired–of waiting, hoping, dreaming–and I’m letting that get in the way of really seeing God and what He desires for me. He is El Roi, the God who sees me, and I know that even in this discontent, He’s got a plan and something to teach me!