Heartache

A friend told me something the other night. Something someone we both know had told her about me. And while I think she meant it as some sort of backhanded compliment, her plan backfired. Instead of making me feel beautiful or appreciated, she made me feel trashy with the nature of the guy’s “compliment.” And maybe while the nature of the comment (which will not be repeated here in any form or fashion) is disturbing enough, it may be the fact that she seemed to think it was hilarious enough to share in the fashion she did that bothers me the most. The comment had to do with an issue of modesty and this friend knows how important I believe modesty to be. And I feel like if she had ever known me, at least a little bit at all, she wouldn’t have treated the matter so flippantly or laughed it off over the phone. Maybe the thing that makes my heart ache the most is that she has no idea that she has hurt me. None whatsoever. And the idea that maybe she does and maliciously set out to hurt me is more than I can bear. So I’m just a little shellshocked today and a little depressed. And for the life of me, I still feel like I’ve just been called a tramp (or something worse).